Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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