worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
