1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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