just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
