Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Can Purell be used as lube?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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