oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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