I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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