oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
