There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
