My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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