Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
