Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
