Please, let me fuck your mom
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
