I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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