if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
