I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize