youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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