Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She just used a chaser for red wine.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
