All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
