i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
