her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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