dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
