Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just want nice things and good sex
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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