What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
