Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
