wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
