so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
