I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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