I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
