I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
