Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
