I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
