Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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