You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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