Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
