i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
