Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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