yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
