Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
