I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
