remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
