I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
