I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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