we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
