I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
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I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
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I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.