You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
