whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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