My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
