ADVERTISEMENT

• (518): View more from New York

  True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.

  (1-518): View more from New York

  True? Did she teach you things?

  (518): View more from New York

  She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.

  Fav 13 3063 942

  share tweet
  

• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.

  Fav 42 1021 3714

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (936): View more from Texas

  I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".

  Fav 39 1165 3602

  share tweet
  

• (201): View more from New Jersey

  My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?

  Fav 76 1365 11884

  share tweet
  
• 

  19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (609): View more from New Jersey

  I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.

  Fav 14 3808 1055

  share tweet
  

• (865): View more from Tennessee

  And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.

  Fav 21 6153 1143

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (212): View more from New York

  ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?

  (1-212): View more from New York

  this is Aaron, hi

  Fav 48 21343 2717

  share tweet
  

• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?

  Fav 25 6748 1606

  share tweet
  

• (760): View more from California

  I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.

  Fav 9 4416 1163

  share tweet
  
• 

  The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (330): View more from Ohio

  I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE

  Fav 4 1534 610

  share tweet
  

• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."

  Fav 4 2204 896

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"

  Fav 7 535 1598

  share tweet
  

• (530): View more from California

  I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.

  Fav 4 814 511

  share tweet
  

• (713): View more from Texas

  My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO

  Fav 1 916 636

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (313): View more from Michigan

  Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?

  Fav 0 816 473

  share tweet
  

Randomize