i permit you to call me
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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