dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass