went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Drunk is a universal language darling
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