I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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