theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
