You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
