Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
