he wants to bone in the snuggie
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
