never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
