party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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