You just made me feel so damn special
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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