Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
