dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
