please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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