so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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