I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
