I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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