im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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