did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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