Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
