Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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