Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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