I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize