Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
