Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
