I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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