kristin has been a bad kristin
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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