Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I pour the whiskey from now on
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
